Why Your Toddler Screams Instead of Talking (And How to Help)

Hello, my wonderful friend! It's me, Inara, and I am so happy you're here today. You know, the Magic Book and I have been noticing something that so many parents are experiencing right now. Your little one is going through big feelings, and instead of using words, they're screaming and crying. And I want you to know something really important right from the start. You are not alone in this, and your child is not being difficult. What's happening is actually a beautiful, normal part of their development, and there is so much we can do to help.

So grab a cozy cup of tea, settle in with me, and let's talk about why this happens and, more importantly, how we can support our little ones as they learn this incredible skill of putting feelings into words.

First, let me share something the Magic Book taught me that changed everything. When your toddler screams and cries instead of talking, they are not trying to make your life harder. They are showing you exactly where they need your help. You see, at ages two and three, something remarkable is happening in your child's brain. Their emotional experiences are growing bigger and more complex every single day. They feel frustration, disappointment, anger, embarrassment, even guilt and shame. These are HUGE feelings for such a little person!

But here's the thing. While their emotions are expanding like a universe full of stars, their language skills are still developing. Research shows us that at age two, most toddlers can use sentences of just two to three words. By age three, they're using three to five word sentences. That's wonderful progress! But it's not quite enough to express all those big, swirling feelings inside.

Imagine for a moment that you're trying to describe a sunset. You can see it in your mind, all those beautiful colors, the way the light dances across the sky. But someone tells you that you can only use five words to describe it. How frustrating would that be? That's what your little one is experiencing every single day. Their feelings are bigger than their words right now, and that gap, that space between what they feel and what they can say, that's where the screaming and crying come from.

The research is so clear on this. Experts tell us that tantrums and crying are common because toddlers cannot always communicate their needs. They often do not know how to put words to strong emotions. This is not a problem with your child. This is normal development. This is your child's brain learning and growing, and it takes time. Years, actually!

Now, here's something else the Magic Book showed me that I find absolutely WONDERFUL. Language skills play a critical role in developing emotion regulation and self-control. What that means is that as your child learns more words, especially feeling words, they will naturally get better at managing their emotions. The two skills grow together, like two flowers in the same garden, each one helping the other bloom.

So what can we do to help? How can we support our little ones as they build this bridge between their feelings and their words?

First, we can be their calm. When your child is screaming and crying, their nervous system is overwhelmed. They need you to be their anchor, their safe harbor in the storm. Take a deep breath, get down to their level, and let them know you're there. You might say something like, I'm right here with you. You're safe. I can see you're having big feelings.

Second, we can name the feelings for them. This is so powerful! When you put words to what they're experiencing, you're teaching them emotional vocabulary. You might say, You look really frustrated right now, or I can see you're feeling disappointed. Even if they can't say those words back to you yet, they're learning. They're building that vocabulary in their mind, and one day soon, they'll use it.

Third, we can model using words ourselves. When you're feeling frustrated, you can say out loud, I'm feeling frustrated right now because I can't find my keys. I'm going to take a deep breath and look again. You're showing them that everyone has feelings, and that words help us understand and manage them.

Fourth, we can read stories together that show characters using words to express feelings. And this is where I get really excited, because we have a story in The Book of Inara that demonstrates this so beautifully. It's called The Candy Jar Apology, and it's about Milo and Nana visiting a corner store for penny candy.

In the story, Milo accidentally knocks over Nana's favorite gummy bears, and something magical happens. The candy jars dim. They lose their sparkle. And Milo feels terrible. He has all these big feelings inside, hurt and sorry and worried. And he learns that saying the words, I'm sorry, can make everything bright again. When he uses his words to express how he feels, the candy jars light up, and Nana's smile returns, and everything is okay again.

This story shows children something so important. Words have power. Words can heal. Words can make things better. And when you read this story with your little one, you can talk about it afterward. You can say, Remember how Milo felt bad and then he used his words? You can do that too! When you're upset, you can tell me with your words, and we'll figure it out together.

The research backs this up beautifully. Studies show that self-regulation develops exponentially during the preschool years. That means your child is going to make rapid gains in this skill, especially when they have your patient, loving support. Children who receive empathetic help during this phase develop stronger communication and self-regulation abilities that support them for years to come. You are literally building your child's future success by helping them learn to use words for feelings right now.

I also want you to know that individual variation is completely normal. Some children pick up feeling words quickly. Others need more time and practice. Both are okay. Both are normal. Your child is on their own unique timeline, and that's exactly as it should be.

So here's what I want you to remember, my wonderful friend. When your child screams and cries instead of using words, they are not being difficult. They are not trying to manipulate you. They are showing you that their feelings are bigger than their words right now, and they need your help building that bridge. You can be their calm, name their feelings, model using words, and share stories that show the power of verbal expression.

The Magic Book and I believe in you. We believe in your child. And we know that with your patient, loving guidance, your little one will learn to put their big feelings into words. It takes time, it takes practice, and it takes your steady presence. But you are doing this beautifully.

If you'd like to explore The Candy Jar Apology and other stories that help with emotional expression, you can find them in The Book of Inara app. These stories are designed with so much love to help children learn these important skills in a gentle, magical way.

Thank you for being here with me today. Thank you for caring so deeply about your child's development. And thank you for being the kind of parent who seeks understanding instead of quick fixes. You are exactly the parent your child needs.

With love and starlight, Inara. Until our next adventure together!