Your beautiful four or five year old runs ahead without looking. They climb higher than feels safe. They dart toward the street despite your reminders to stop at the curb. And you find yourself wondering: why won't they just listen? Why do they keep taking these risks when you've explained the rules SO many times?
Here's what I want you to know, my wonderful friend: you are not alone in this, and your child is not being difficult. What's happening is actually a beautiful, normal part of how their brain is growing. The Magic Book taught me something that changed everything about how I understand this challenge, and I want to share it with you today.
In this post, we'll explore why impulse control is still developing at ages 4-5, what research tells us about this critical phase, and gentle strategies that actually work. Plus, I'll share a story from our library that teaches children the foundational skill of pausing to think before acting.
Why Your Child Struggles With Safety Rules: The Science of Impulse Control
When your child is four or five years old, their brain is in this amazing phase of development. They're discovering courage, learning about the world, and starting to understand cause and effect. But here's the thing that changes everything: the part of their brain that helps them stop and think before acting is still growing.
This ability is called impulse control, and it's one of the executive functions that develop gradually throughout childhood. Think of it like a garden that's just starting to bloom. The seeds of safety awareness are there, the seeds of understanding rules are there, but they need time, sunshine, and gentle care to grow strong.
"The most rapid increase in inhibitory control is between 5 and 8 years of age."
— National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine
Did you catch that? The MOST rapid increase happens between ages five and eight. That means your four or five year old is right at the very beginning of this journey. They're not ignoring you on purpose. Their developing brain is learning how to pause, how to think, how to remember the rule in the moment when excitement takes over.
What This Looks Like in Real Life
The Raising Children Network, a trusted resource from Australia, explains that by the time children reach age five, they START to have more control over their behavior and emotions. Notice those words: start to have. This is a process, my friend. It unfolds gradually, with patience and support from you.
When your child runs into the street or climbs too high, they're not being defiant. They're navigating a normal developmental phase where impulse control and risk assessment abilities are still forming. Their brain is literally building the neural pathways that will eventually help them stop and think automatically.
What Research Shows About Ages 4-5
Research published in Nature Scientific Reports confirms something SO important: self-control development shows significant growth between ages 3-9, but there's tremendous individual variation. Some children develop these skills earlier, some later, and that's completely normal.
The study also found that environmental factors play a crucial role. That's you, my wonderful friend. Your patient guidance, your consistent reminders, your warm support—these are helping your child's brain build the pathways they need for impulse control.
The Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning (CASEL) has found something really important about teaching safety awareness. It works best when it's integrated with social-emotional learning. That means helping your child understand not just the rule, but the feelings and the why behind it.
Instead of just saying "don't run into the street," you might say: "I keep you safe because I love you SO much. Cars are fast and drivers might not see you. Let's hold hands and look together." This connects the rule to love, to care, to understanding. It gives their developing brain more to hold onto.
Gentle Strategies That Actually Work
So what can we do to help? The Magic Book whispers three beautiful truths to me, and I want to share them with you.
1. Connection Before Direction
When you need your child to follow a safety rule, get down to their level. Say their name. Wait for their eyes to meet yours. That moment of connection helps their brain shift from whatever they were focused on to what you're saying. It's like turning on a light switch—suddenly, they can actually hear you.
This isn't about being stern or serious. It's about creating a moment of presence where their developing brain can actually receive the information you're sharing.
2. Practice the Listening Pause
This is something I learned from a beautiful story in our library called The Listening Heart Center. In this story, Ethan and Sofia discover that when they pause and listen quietly, they can hear their inner wisdom guiding them to make good choices.
You can teach your child this same skill. Before crossing the street, before climbing, before running ahead, practice taking three deep breaths together. Say: "Let's listen to what our heart tells us about staying safe." This teaches them that pause, that moment of thinking before acting, which is exactly the skill they need for safety awareness.
Make it a game. Make it magical. Make it something you do together, not something you demand from them. The more they practice this pause in calm moments, the more their brain builds the pathway to access it in exciting moments.
3. Celebrate the Small Victories
Every single time your child remembers to stop at the curb, every time they ask before climbing, every time they pause and think—that's their impulse control growing stronger. Celebrate it!
Say: "You remembered to stop and look! Your brain is learning to keep you safe, and I'm SO proud of you." This positive reinforcement helps those new neural pathways grow stronger. It shows your child that you notice their efforts, not just their mistakes.
4. Understand the Need for Repetition
I know what some of you might be thinking: "But Inara, I've told them a hundred times. Why don't they just remember?" And here's what the Magic Book taught me about this.
Young children's brains need repetition. Not because they're not listening, but because that's how learning works at this age. Every time you remind them, every time you practice together, you're helping their brain build the pathways that will eventually become automatic.
Think of it like learning to ride a bike. You don't expect a child to master it after one try. You expect wobbles, you expect falls, you expect to run alongside them holding the seat for a while. Impulse control is the same. It takes practice, repetition, and your steady presence.
The Role of Stories in Teaching Safety Awareness
This is where stories become such a beautiful helper. Stories teach children skills through metaphor and imagination, which their developing brains can understand more easily than direct instruction.
The Listening Heart Center story I mentioned—it's not about safety rules directly, but it teaches something even more foundational. It teaches children that when they pause, when they listen to their inner wisdom, they make better choices.
After you read this story together, you can reference it in real moments. "Remember how Ethan and Sofia learned to listen? Let's do that now. What does your heart say about running ahead?" This gives your child a framework, a shared language, a way to access that pause-and-think skill.
Stories That Can Help
In The Book of Inara, we have beautiful stories that bring these concepts to life for your child:
The Listening Heart Center
Perfect for: Ages 4-5
What makes it special: Ethan and Sofia discover that pausing to listen reveals inner wisdom. This story teaches the foundational skill of quiet listening and stopping to think before acting—exactly what children need for impulse control development.
Key lesson: When we pause and listen to our inner guidance, we make choices that keep us safe and help us grow.
Parent talking point: After reading, practice the listening pause together. Before crossing the street or trying something new, take three deep breaths and listen to what your heart says about staying safe.
You're Doing Beautifully
I want you to take a deep breath with me right now. You are doing beautifully. You are exactly the parent your child needs. When you feel frustrated because they didn't stop at the curb again, remember—their brain is still growing the ability to do that consistently.
Your job is not to make them perfect right now. Your job is to keep them safe while their brain develops, and to teach them with love and patience. Every reminder you give, every time you hold their hand at the street, every moment you practice the listening pause together—you're planting seeds.
And those seeds are growing, my friend. They're growing into a child who will learn to assess risks, who will develop good judgment, who will keep themselves safe. But it takes time. It takes repetition. It takes your steady, loving presence.
This phase, as challenging as it feels, is temporary. Your child is not going to be taking unnecessary risks forever. What they're doing right now is learning. They're learning about their body, about the world, about consequences. And with your patient guidance, they're learning how to keep themselves safe.
So tonight, or tomorrow, whenever you have a quiet moment, snuggle up with your little one and read The Listening Heart Center together. Talk about how Ethan and Sofia learned to pause and listen. Practice it together. Make it magical. And then, in those real moments when you need them to stop and think, you'll have this shared language, this shared understanding.
You've got this, my wonderful friend. The Magic Book and I believe in you, and we believe in your child's growing, learning, beautiful brain.
With love and starlight,
Inara
Related Articles
- Your Child Takes Things and Breaks Them? This Is Normal Development
- Your Child Can't Focus? This Is Actually Normal Development (Ages 4-5)
- Understanding Your Child's Fearless Climbing: The Science Behind Risk-Taking in Young Children
- When Your Child Hits Teachers: Understanding Aggression Toward Authority (Ages 4-5)
- Understanding Your Child's Impulse Control: Why Waiting is So Hard at Age 4-5
Show transcript
Hello, my wonderful friend! It's me, Inara, and I am so happy you're here today. You know, the Magic Book and I have been noticing something that so many parents are experiencing right now. Your little one, your beautiful four or five year old, seems to take risks that make your heart skip a beat. Maybe they run ahead without looking, or climb higher than feels safe, or don't seem to listen when you say stop at the curb. And I want you to know something really important—you are not alone in this, and your child is not being difficult. What's happening is actually a beautiful, normal part of how their brain is growing.
Let me share something the Magic Book taught me that changed everything. When your child is four or five years old, their brain is in this amazing phase of development. They're discovering courage, they're learning about the world, and they're starting to understand cause and effect. But here's the thing—the part of their brain that helps them stop and think before acting, that's called impulse control, and it's still growing. In fact, research from the National Academies of Sciences shows that the most rapid increase in impulse control happens between ages five and eight. That means your four or five year old is right at the very beginning of this journey.
Think about it this way. Your child's brain is like a garden that's just starting to bloom. The seeds of safety awareness are there, the seeds of understanding rules are there, but they need time, and sunshine, and gentle care to grow strong. When your child runs into the street or climbs too high, they're not ignoring you on purpose. Their developing brain is learning how to pause, how to think, how to remember the rule in the moment when excitement takes over.
The Raising Children Network, which is a trusted resource from Australia, explains that by the time children reach age five, they start to have more control over their behavior and emotions. But notice those words—start to have. This is a process, my friend. It unfolds gradually, with patience and support from you.
So what can we do to help? The Magic Book whispers three beautiful truths to me, and I want to share them with you.
First, connection before direction. When you need your child to follow a safety rule, get down to their level. Say their name. Wait for their eyes to meet yours. That moment of connection helps their brain shift from whatever they were focused on to what you're saying. It's like turning on a light switch—suddenly, they can actually hear you.
Second, practice the listening pause. This is something I learned from a beautiful story in our library called The Listening Heart Center. In this story, Ethan and Sofia discover that when they pause and listen quietly, they can hear their inner wisdom guiding them to make good choices. You can teach your child this same skill. Before crossing the street, before climbing, before running ahead, practice taking three deep breaths together. Say, let's listen to what our heart tells us about staying safe. This teaches them that pause, that moment of thinking before acting, which is exactly the skill they need for safety awareness.
Third, celebrate the small victories. Every single time your child remembers to stop at the curb, every time they ask before climbing, every time they pause and think—that's their impulse control growing stronger. Celebrate it! Say, you remembered to stop and look! Your brain is learning to keep you safe, and I'm so proud of you. This positive reinforcement helps those new neural pathways grow stronger.
Now, I know what some of you might be thinking. But Inara, I've told them a hundred times. Why don't they just remember? And here's what the Magic Book taught me about this. Young children's brains need repetition. Not because they're not listening, but because that's how learning works at this age. Every time you remind them, every time you practice together, you're helping their brain build the pathways that will eventually become automatic. Research published in Nature Scientific Reports shows that self-control development varies significantly among individual children, and environmental factors—that's you, my wonderful friend—play a crucial role.
The Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning, they're called CASEL, has found something really important. Teaching safety awareness works best when it's integrated with social and emotional learning. That means helping your child understand not just the rule, but the feelings and the why behind it. Instead of just saying don't run into the street, you might say, I keep you safe because I love you so much. Cars are fast and drivers might not see you. Let's hold hands and look together. This connects the rule to love, to care, to understanding.
And this is where stories become such a beautiful helper. The Listening Heart Center story I mentioned—it's not about safety rules directly, but it teaches something even more foundational. It teaches children that when they pause, when they listen to their inner wisdom, they make better choices. After you read this story together, you can reference it in real moments. Remember how Ethan and Sofia learned to listen? Let's do that now. What does your heart say about running ahead?
The Magic Book also reminds me that this phase, as challenging as it feels, is temporary. Your child is not going to be taking unnecessary risks forever. What they're doing right now is learning. They're learning about their body, about the world, about consequences. And with your patient guidance, they're learning how to keep themselves safe.
I want you to take a deep breath with me right now. You are doing beautifully. You are exactly the parent your child needs. When you feel frustrated because they didn't stop at the curb again, remember—their brain is still growing the ability to do that consistently. Your job is not to make them perfect right now. Your job is to keep them safe while their brain develops, and to teach them with love and patience.
Every reminder you give, every time you hold their hand at the street, every moment you practice the listening pause together—you're planting seeds. And those seeds are growing, my friend. They're growing into a child who will learn to assess risks, who will develop good judgment, who will keep themselves safe. But it takes time. It takes repetition. It takes your steady, loving presence.
So tonight, or tomorrow, whenever you have a quiet moment, snuggle up with your little one and read The Listening Heart Center together. Talk about how Ethan and Sofia learned to pause and listen. Practice it together. Make it a game. And then, in those real moments when you need them to stop and think, you'll have this shared language, this shared understanding.
You've got this, my wonderful friend. The Magic Book and I believe in you, and we believe in your child's growing, learning, beautiful brain. With love and starlight, Inara.
