You turn your back for just a moment, and there they are. Your four or five-year-old, perched on top of the bookshelf, grinning with pride. Or scaling the playground structure to heights that make your heart skip a beat. Or preparing to jump from the back of the couch like it's a diving board. And they have absolutely no fear.
If this sounds familiar, I want you to know something important. You're not alone. And even more importantly, what you're seeing isn't recklessness. It's actually something quite beautiful happening in your child's developing brain.
I'm Inara, and today I want to share what the Magic Book and the wisest researchers in child development have taught me about this amazing phase. You'll discover why your child climbs fearlessly, what's really happening in their brain, and gentle strategies to support their development while keeping them safe.
Why Your Child Climbs Without Fear
When your four or five-year-old climbs to the top of the playground structure or wants to jump from heights that make your heart race, their brain is doing something absolutely WONDERFUL. They're in a critical developmental phase where they're learning risk assessment, impulse control, and safety awareness.
And here's the thing that might surprise you. They have to practice these skills by actually taking risks.
Think about it this way. Your child's brain is like a little scientist, constantly running experiments. When they climb higher than they've climbed before, they're gathering data. How does this feel? Can I do this? What happens if I go a little further? This is how they learn to assess situations, test their personal limits, and build confidence through physical exploration.
The Difference Between Risk and Hazard
Here's what the experts want us to understand. There's a crucial difference between risk and hazard.
A risk is something your child can recognize and evaluate. How high should I climb? How fast should I run? Can I make this jump? These are risks, and your child's brain is designed to learn from them.
A hazard is something beyond your child's capacity to recognize or manage. A wobbly structure that might collapse, a hidden danger they can't see, a height that's truly beyond their physical capability. These are hazards.
Our job as parents isn't to eliminate all risk. It's to remove hazards while supporting age-appropriate risk-taking that builds competence.
What Research Reveals About Risky Play
The Canadian Paediatric Society has conducted fascinating research on what they call "risky play" in young children. And their findings might change how you see your child's fearless climbing forever.
When children engage in risky play, climbing, jumping, exploring heights, they're not just having fun. They're developing fundamental movement skills. They're building socio-emotional competencies. They're learning to evaluate challenges based on their own capabilities.
"Risky play helps facilitate children's exposure to fear-provoking situations, providing them with opportunities to experiment with uncertainty, associated physiological arousal, and coping strategies, which can significantly reduce children's risk for elevated anxiety."
— Canadian Paediatric Society, Injury Prevention Committee
This perspective reframes fearless behavior not as recklessness but as developmentally appropriate exploration. Your child isn't being careless. They're building crucial life skills.
And here's something that might surprise you even more. Research shows that children who engage in manageable risk-taking actually develop better communication skills, better cooperation, and better self-regulation. The very thing that makes your heart race, their fearless climbing, is actually teaching them skills they'll use for their entire lives.
The Connection to Lifelong Success
The National Center for Biotechnology Information has found that emotional regulation and impulse control, the very skills your child is building through this fearless exploration, may actually determine success in life more than IQ.
More than IQ! That's how IMPORTANT these skills are.
Your child is in a critical developmental phase for building these abilities. Ages four and five are when children are learning to assess situations, manage their impulses, and develop the self-control that will serve them throughout their lives.
Gentle Strategies to Support Safe Exploration
So what can we do to support our little adventurers while keeping them safe? Here are research-backed strategies that honor your child's developmental needs while protecting them from real danger.
1. Ask Questions Instead of Giving Warnings
Instead of saying "Be careful," which doesn't actually teach your child anything specific, try asking questions that help them assess the situation themselves.
- "Do you feel stable up there?"
- "How will you get down?"
- "What's your plan if you jump from that height?"
- "Is this safe? What could happen?"
These questions activate your child's thinking brain and help them practice risk assessment. You're teaching them to be their own safety expert rather than relying solely on your warnings.
2. Remove Hazards, Not Risks
Walk through your home and outdoor spaces with a critical eye. Remove actual hazards from your child's environment.
- Make sure climbing structures are stable and secure
- Check that landing surfaces are appropriate (soft grass, rubber mats, not concrete)
- Ensure there are no hidden dangers like sharp edges or unstable furniture
- Move furniture away from windows
- Secure heavy items that could tip over
But once you've done that, step back and let your child explore within those safe boundaries. This gives them the freedom to practice risk assessment without facing true hazards.
3. Offer Alternatives When Needed
When something truly is beyond your child's capability or too hazardous, you can redirect rather than simply saying no.
Try saying, "I can see you want to try that. That's too high for right now, but let's find something that's just the right challenge for you." Then offer an alternative that still lets them climb and explore, just at a safer level.
This way, you're not crushing their spirit. You're redirecting it toward appropriate challenges.
4. Supervise Appropriately for Their Skill Level
The Canadian Paediatric Society emphasizes that adults should "identify hazards and remove or mitigate them, then supervise appropriately for the type of activity as well as the child's skill level, personality, and developmental stage."
This means your supervision should match your child's abilities. A child who has demonstrated good climbing skills might need less hovering than one who is just beginning to explore heights. Trust your knowledge of your child while staying alert to real dangers.
5. Recognize This Phase is Temporary and Important
This fearless climbing phase won't last forever. But it's SO important while it's happening.
Your child is building a foundation of confidence, body awareness, and decision-making skills that will serve them forever. Every time they climb, assesses, and succeeds, they're building trust in themselves and their abilities.
Stories That Can Help
In The Book of Inara, we have beautiful stories that teach these concepts in the gentlest way. Here's one that's perfect for this developmental stage:
Chicken Little and the Falling Sky
Perfect for: Ages 4-5
What makes it special: This story teaches children about being careful and thinking before acting when scared or uncertain. Chicken Little learns an important lesson about not panicking over small things and being careful who to trust, which directly supports the therapeutic goals of safety understanding, impulse control, and appropriate caution.
Key lesson: When Chicken Little learns to stop and think instead of immediately panicking and running, children see a beautiful model for pausing to assess situations before acting impulsively.
How to use it: After you share this story with your child, you can help them practice that same "stop and think" approach. When they want to climb or jump from something high, you can ask together, "Is this safe? What could happen? Do I need help?" Just like Chicken Little learned to do.
You're Doing Beautifully
The Magic Book reminds us that every child develops at their own pace. Some children are naturally more cautious. Some are naturally more adventurous. Neither is better or worse. They're just different paths to learning the same important skills.
Your fearless climber is learning to trust their body, to assess challenges, to build confidence. And with your loving guidance, they're also learning when to pause, when to ask for help, and how to stay safe while still being brave.
That balance, that's the heart of gentle parenting. And you're finding it, one climbing adventure at a time.
I can feel how much you love your child, how much you want to protect them while also letting them grow. That's the art of parenting. And you're doing it beautifully.
Until our next adventure together, may your days be filled with love, understanding, and just a little bit of magic from the stars.
With love and starlight,
Inara
Related Articles
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- Understanding Your Child's Impulse Control: Why Waiting is So Hard at Age 4-5
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Show transcript
Hello, my wonderful friend! It's me, Inara, and I am SO happy you're here today!
You know, the Magic Book and I have been noticing something. Many parents are reaching out because their little ones, especially those around four and five years old, seem absolutely fearless. They climb on everything, they jump from heights that make your heart skip a beat, and they don't seem to have that natural caution that keeps them safe.
And I want you to know something IMPORTANT. If this is your child, you're not alone. And even more importantly, what you're seeing isn't recklessness. It's actually something quite beautiful happening in your child's developing brain.
Let me share what the Magic Book and the wisest researchers in child development have taught me about this amazing phase.
When your four or five year old climbs to the top of the playground structure or wants to jump from the couch, their brain is doing something absolutely WONDERFUL. They're in a critical developmental phase where they're learning risk assessment, impulse control, and safety awareness. And here's the thing, they have to practice these skills by actually taking risks.
The Canadian Paediatric Society, which studies children's health and development, has discovered something fascinating. When children engage in what they call risky play, climbing, jumping, exploring heights, they're not just having fun. They're developing fundamental movement skills. They're building socio-emotional competencies. They're learning to evaluate challenges based on their own capabilities.
Think about it this way. Your child's brain is like a little scientist, constantly running experiments. When they climb higher than they've climbed before, they're gathering data. How does this feel? Can I do this? What happens if I go a little further? This is how they learn to assess situations, test their personal limits, and build confidence through physical exploration.
And here's something that might surprise you. Research shows that children who engage in manageable risk-taking actually develop better communication skills, better cooperation, and better self-regulation. The very thing that makes your heart race, their fearless climbing, is actually teaching them skills they'll use for their entire lives.
Now, I know what you might be thinking. But Inara, I'm worried they'll get hurt! And that's such a loving, caring thought. Of course you want to keep your precious child safe. That's what makes you a WONDERFUL parent.
But here's what the experts want us to understand. There's a difference between risk and hazard. A risk is something your child can recognize and evaluate. How high should I climb? How fast should I run? These are risks, and your child's brain is designed to learn from them.
A hazard is something beyond your child's capacity to recognize or manage. A wobbly structure that might collapse, a hidden danger they can't see. Our job as parents isn't to eliminate all risk. It's to remove hazards while supporting age-appropriate risk-taking that builds competence.
The National Center for Biotechnology Information has found that emotional regulation and impulse control, the very skills your child is building through this fearless exploration, may actually determine success in life more than IQ. More than IQ! That's how IMPORTANT these skills are.
So what can we do to support our little adventurers while keeping them safe?
First, instead of saying, Be careful, which doesn't actually teach them anything specific, try asking questions that help them assess the situation themselves. You might say, Do you feel stable up there? or How will you get down? or What's your plan if you jump from that height? These questions activate their thinking brain and help them practice risk assessment.
Second, remove actual hazards from their environment. Make sure climbing structures are stable. Check that landing surfaces are appropriate. Ensure there are no hidden dangers. But once you've done that, step back and let them explore within those safe boundaries.
Third, recognize that this phase is temporary and SO important. Your child is building a foundation of confidence, body awareness, and decision-making skills that will serve them forever.
And here's something beautiful. We have a story in The Book of Inara that teaches this lesson in the gentlest way. It's called Chicken Little and the Falling Sky. In this story, a little chicken learns an important lesson about not panicking over small things and being careful about who to trust when feeling scared.
What I love about this story is how it shows children that while it's okay to feel scared or uncertain, we need to pause and think carefully about situations before reacting. Chicken Little learns to stop and think instead of immediately panicking and running, and children watching see a beautiful model for pausing to assess situations before acting impulsively.
After you share this story with your child, you can help them practice that same stop and think approach. When they want to climb or jump from something high, you can ask together, Is this safe? What could happen? Do I need help? Just like Chicken Little learned to do.
The Magic Book reminds us that every child develops at their own pace. Some children are naturally more cautious. Some are naturally more adventurous. Neither is better or worse. They're just different paths to learning the same important skills.
Your fearless climber is learning to trust their body, to assess challenges, to build confidence. And with your loving guidance, they're also learning when to pause, when to ask for help, and how to stay safe while still being brave.
You're doing such a beautiful job, my friend. I can feel how much you love your child, how much you want to protect them while also letting them grow. That balance, that's the heart of gentle parenting. And you're finding it, one climbing adventure at a time.
The Magic Book and I are always here for you. You can find Chicken Little and the Falling Sky and so many other helpful stories in The Book of Inara app. Each story is crafted with love to help children navigate these big developmental moments.
Until our next adventure together, remember this. Your child's fearlessness isn't something to fix. It's something to guide. And you're doing that beautifully.
With love and starlight, Inara.
